School, in particular, is a massive challenge for us. Because of his struggle with focus and attention, I find myself having to teach him the same lessons over and over again. It is a constant cycle of repetition just to make sure he does not forget what he has learned by the next morning. His energy is truly endless—it does not matter if we are inside the house or out in public. He is always on the move, sometimes accidentally breaking things or constantly losing his belongings like his pens, notebooks, or even his favorite toys.
One of the hardest parts is that he often just does not listen. I have become truly exhausted from shouting. I realized that shouting is a dead end; it is completely useless and only serves to tire out my vocal cords and leave me feeling drained. I thought deeply about how to change this dynamic. I wanted a way to make him listen from the first, second, or at least the third time without reaching that breaking point where I start to scream. Shouting drains my energy as a mother, and I genuinely hate the version of myself that has to yell to be heard.
To help him, I have spent a lot of time reading about ADHD. I want to understand the "why" behind every behavior. I know that he is struggling just as much as I am, if not more. This understanding led me to be very strict about his lifestyle. I make sure his diet is clean, keeping it free from processed sugars, artificial colors, and fast food. I have noticed that what he eats directly affects his level of hyperactivity.
Recently, I think I found a practical solution to limit the shouting and improve our communication. We sat down for a long, heart-to-heart talk. I explained to him how tired I get when he does not listen, especially since everything I ask of him is for his own benefit or to keep him safe from harm.
I agreed with my son on a specific system for him to understand when I am truly upset or when his actions are reaching a dangerous level. We created a three-step warning system:
Step One: The first time, I will tell him clearly: "Don't do this, it is bad behavior." This is a gentle reminder to check himself.
Step Two: The second time, I will give him a firm warning. I will explain exactly why I am warning him about that specific action so he understands the consequence.
Step Three: The third and final time, I will say: "Stop, Code Red."
In our house, Code Red is the ultimate signal. It means the bull has reached the peak of its anger and rage and can no longer be patient. It is the final boundary. When I explained this to him, he looked at me with a mischievous smile and said: "Really, Mom? You have found a great look-alike for yourself!"
Even in our most stressful moments, his sense of humor finds a way to shine through. It is a long, challenging journey, but we are learning and growing together, one code at a time. Through patience and these small strategies, I am hoping to replace the shouting with understanding.
How do you handle those moments when you feel like you are about to lose your patience? Do you have a "Code" or a special system with your children to help manage the chaos? I would love to hear your experiences in the comments.
I don't have any experience with adhd, although I have a few suspicions about my youngest. If he does have something like that, I will be very grateful (more so than normal) that we can homeschool and hopefully I can be as proactive as you are!
ReplyDelete