Between Yesterday and Today: A Tale of a Small Hand That Grew and a Mother’s Endless Dreams
The Hand That Suddenly Grew Up
Do you see this hand holding mine in the photo? It belongs to my "little" boy, the 10-year-old hero of my world. Today, I looked at it and was honestly shocked; his hand is now almost the same size as mine! How does time fly like this?
It feels like only yesterday he was the size of a thumb, nestling in my arms and seeking comfort in my simplest touch. And now? He almost matches me in height. In a year or two, I’ll probably have to look up just to catch his eye because he will be much taller than me. This fills my heart with so much pride, but at the same time, it plants a little seed of sadness that I just can’t ignore.
The Fear of "The Closed Door"
To be completely honest with you, I don’t want him to grow up too fast. I dread the day he might pull away just a little, or that moment when he starts closing his bedroom door and asking for his "privacy." I’m so used to hugging him whenever I want, kissing him without asking, and sitting together to chat about everything and nothing.
In our house, we call him the "Little Parrot" because he talks so much! He loves to share every single detail, especially right after he comes home from school. He narrates his adventures as if they are the most important events in the world. And I often ask myself with a heavy heart: Will there come a day when these beautiful moments end? Will he start keeping secrets from me? Will he have his own world where I don't have a key?
Lessons in Cherishing the Moment
I suppose it’s the circle of life. They grow up, and they must have their own independent lives. So, I’ve decided to enjoy every single minute with him right now. Every loud laugh, every spontaneous chat, and even those funny little secrets he whispers in my ear, pleading, "Don't tell Dad!" so we can keep our little "conspiracies" together.
By the way, amidst all these pressures and responsibilities of motherhood, never forget yourself. I previously wrote a detailed post about why you should be taking care of yourself too, Mama. Your inner peace is what gives you the strength to handle these shifting emotions.
Grief, Hope, and the Dream of a Companion
Lately, my son has been asking me a lot: "Mom, when will you give me a brother or a sister?" Since we lost his younger brother—may Allah have mercy on him—his heart has become so much more sensitive. He tells me with a sincerity that breaks my heart: "I envy my friend because he has a brother to play with, but my brother went to heaven."
My soul aches in those moments. I pray with all my heart to fully recover and for Allah to bless him with a soul companion. We truly need that joy in our lives again. But despite everything, we move forward, armed with hope, wishing for days even more beautiful than the ones that passed. I know for sure that the best is yet to come.
Why I Listen So Closely
I make sure to cherish these moments today, not just because my son needs them, but because I am the one who will need those memories when he grows up. I’ve learned the skill of "True Listening"—to hear his repeated school stories and funny situations with my whole heart. Because in his eyes, love is simply "Attention."
This was Nouriel, a mother to a wonderful child with ADHD, writing to you from somewhere in this big world. I’m sending every mother reading this a huge Sparkle Dose to brighten her day.
Tell me in the comments: Do you also fear your children growing up too fast? How do you handle these fleeting moments?
Stay bright and beautiful..
